Day 059: Out of Sight, Out of Mind

Day 059:

I was walking around the plaza of the hospital of my medical school. I was looking for my lost clipboard. As I was looking around, scouting where my valuable orange plastic possession could be, a small lump of hair grabbed my attention. A pair of kittens. Under a rock. Almost. They were barely moving. They were extremely thin. I came up close, one of them raised its head... slowly, as if it took a lot of effort. Then it lay down again, back to "sleep".

Part of me wanted to take care of the kitten. Part of me knew I hadn't had the discipline to follow through with any feline adoption. Part of me honestly wanted nothing to do with cats. Part of me just thought of the danger of infection.

I walked away. I left them there. Under their rock. Where I found them. I wouldn't have found them had I not been looking for my clipboard.


These are just kittens.

I wonder how many more abandonments and sad stories we'd find under rocks, flyovers and bridges.

Day 058: Flight

Day 058:

I am growing to believe. I mean believe in a genuine sense. I don't mean intellectual belief, but a real belief that can lead towards action. I believe that if we run fast enough, if we push hard enough, if we commit enough of ourselves, we can fly to heights beyond our imagination.

Day 057: Almost Forgotten Heritage

Day 057:

In a university (or actually any place) that has stood the test of time, we have historical and momentous halls. You can almost imagine a tour guide saying, "To your right is where Dr. M encountered is first cadaver. it is here where he first dissected a human heart, which captivated him wholly until he became the best heart surgeon in the country." or "Here, the doctors of the hospital discovered the ___ technique!" That is, of course, there are people who remember.

A few days ago, an alumnus friend of ours came for a visit. We celebrated his arrival and he went on and on with many stories, from his studenthood, to residency to his stay in the states. The photo above is one such instance, where he led us to the front of our anatomy laboratory, where students gather before laboratory class, and where they stay to clear their lungs of formalin. Tambayan. That's all it usually is. But for him, and us who are fortunate to hear his stories, this ground is hallowed. It is unique. It is where one of his most life-changing decisions was made and realized.

If we do not remember, everything is lost to us.

Day 056: Anchored

Day 056:

Whether in tranquil waters or turbulent times, we need to know where to ground ourselves to keep us from becoming lost.

Day 055: Another Medical Student

Day 055:

Among the many basic urges of the human body (eating, thirst, warmth, sleeping, sex), the urge to sleep is the strongest. An individual with enough willpower may force himself or herself not to eat or drink (as in the case of hunger strikes and the like). Sexual urges are the most often controlled. However, no matter how strong you are... you WILL eventually fall asleep.

Ironically... this seems to be the most time-consuming and useless activity of the human body. We can force ourselves to eat faster, drink faster... and do other things faster. But sleep demands time like no other. Four hours, Eight hours. It will demand what it needs. And unlike the other activities... this is a eight hour time block of unproductivity. You can't study, can't read, can't write, can't draw... can't do anything. Useless.

But it still feels damn good. 

ZZZ

Day 054: Medicine

Day 054:

The practice of medicine in the philippines, we are told, is not like the movies. In House or Grey's Anatomy, the physician is empowered by technological wonders, amazing laboratories that "think" for you, wonderdrugs, and magical interventions. We see them, making odd diagnoses, ordering IVIG like anything, ordering 10 labs in a breath, "do an MRI of the entire body".

Yesterday we did a little bit of medicine. Equipped with a small karaoke machine, and an about-to-fall-apart microphone, we stepped into the ward, and we gave advice on postpartum care. this is the practice of medicine, we are told... apart from the interventions and drugs... our goal is also to educate and prevent.

Day 053: The Metanarrative II

Day 053:

[re-edit] Some days are just worth that capture.

What is that impulse that drives us to document significant (maybe more than a few non-significant) portions of our lives? Maybe it is born out of our experience of forgetting. "I think I'd like to remember this... 20 years from now." If we don't have pictures, we'd tend to forget a whole lot more. Maybe it is born out of our new urge to tell other people of our experiences... We'd take pictures, to send to this person, or to post on our social networking site. Pictures add more flavor, more detail, than simply "We tasted good wine at Kups's place!!!" Maybe it's also our idea of maximizing the gadgetry we have.

Day 052: Impact

Day 052:

Impact.

Not many. Few of the best.


It's not a numbers game.

Day 051: The Morning After

Day 051:

"I'll love you in the morning... when you're still hung over... when you're still strung out."

Day 049: Pieces

Day 049:

Things come together. Things fall apart.

Come judgement time, you only have the pieces you prepared. There are no re-prints, no re-makes, no re-dos. Just what you have. From that, you have to make something... anything... happen.

Day 050: Aftermath

Day 050:


Sigh.

It's over.


Sigh.

Day 048: Creativity

Day 048:

Today, we push ourselves to the limit. Exerting every resource, every mental faculty, we try to make things work. Some things do. Others don't. We clutch our heads. We cry in frustration. We shout out in exclamation. We pace. Walk around. Wash our face. Take a nap? Maybe. Sit down again. Repeat. Focus. again and again until we get some semblance, some glimmer of hope, some indication that we're doing something right. Then we have that half-second of excitation. We look at the ever-ticking watch. Time is running out. We go back to work


WORK!

Day 047: Exam

Day 047:

There are no points for effort, intention, or fortuitous circumstance.

We are judged by the results we produce.



However, most people forget that those "results" are may or may not not an exam score or a grade. There are other more meaningful things in life. We just need to recognize them.


P.s. But getting good exam results are still very very important. So we should all study hard. *bow*

Day 046: Friendship

Day 046:

[Personal Note: I took this photo at the first birthday of a friend's daughter. Happy birthday Chuckie! :D]

Photos make moments last forever. Good friends make these moments better. So take good photos with good friends. :P

Day 045: Kiss

Day 045:

Happy Valentines Day.

To those who have hands to hold and lovers to love. Good job. :p May you forever be happy where you are.

Day 044: Street Singers

Day 044:

In the business of modern life... sometimes a little craziness is all people need to be reminded of what's really real.



Personal note: For the past few days, a group of good friends of mine have been going out, here and there, taking requests for serenading people. Amazing group. They've been tireless, making people happy. They've had trips to Cavite, Subic, Santa Mesa, Taguig, all around the hospital... just anywhere. Rock on guys.

Day 043: View from the Window

Day 043:

Of dreams, love, apprehension, and anticipation...

"I've been looking out my window for eighteen years, dreaming about what it might feel like when the lights rise into the sky, what if it's not everything i dreamed it would be?"

"It will be."

"And what if it is, what do I do then?"

"You find a new dream."

- Tangled

Day 042: Baudrillard

Day 042:

Postmodern writer Jean Baudrillard spoke of the symbol taking precedence or a more present existence than the symbolized. This occurrence is called the simulacrum. Our world is filled with second and third order representations, symbols and symbolized, in such a way that we sometimes get confused over which is which.

The rose, or flowers, in times where romantic love is celebrated, is one such example of a symbolic-symbolized. Second to the hallmark card, the rose is one of those things in the world whose value rests almost entirely in the symbolic.

On a normal day, a rose costs 80 - 100 PHP (2.00 USD) in your normal street-side flowershop. Holland Tulips or Designer Blooms fetch 145-185 PHP (3-4 USD) a stem. During Valentine's Day, outrageous as they already are, these prices go up 50-100% more. Poor young man, who must win the heart of his beloved through flowers, chocolates, acts of kindness, poetry and what not. He shall be broke... or broken hearted.

This is the symbolic exchange that Baudrillard speaks of. (Of course, a basic supply-demand explanation may also suffice, humor me.) A rose fetches its high price, not because of the cost of production, nor of the marginal utility. In truth, these flowers are one of the most useless things in the world. Its value rests in the fact that the world can no long separate the "staple" expressions of love (e.g. flowers, chocolates, poetry) from the reality of love itself. The symbol and the symbolized are momentarily interchangeable, such that flower-shops occasionally become quite literally merchants of love.

Day 041: Talk to Me

Day 041:

If I were to blog about exactly how I feel now, it would probably sound like... "I am a little bit... but I'm also... and I'm... but... blah blah blah." The consternation and conflict inside... is blegargh...

With good friends, though, I've found that music is a potent sublimation. Whether we find ourselves singing in the shower or in our room with blaring earphones, or whether we play music with friends, or to a loved one through a heartfelt serenade. Music is able to send emotion without filters, or distortion. Just plain language.

So in that confused, tied-up, blegargh I felt inside, I sang (though out of tune), or played the guitar, until things felt a little bit better.

Day 040: Wisdom

Day 040:

One of the most amazing feelings is having someone senior take time to stop and share experiences with you. They don't really have to. When it happens, I find that the conversation is mostly for me than them. But they still talk with so much excitement that I'm put to shame.

 I've spent some time talking to different people, sometimes about photography, sometimes about different subspecializations, sometimes about family and relationship life, sometimes about what they hope to do, sometimes about finances and stocks. They share anecdotes and stories with bits and pieces of advice. "Think about this for a change." or "Have you considered..." or "Don't ever do this..." or "You just have to..."

We stand on the shoulders of giants.

Thank you.


[P.s. Thank you for everyone, especially Nino, Chax, Picoy, Yo, Marlo, who helped me set up what we did today.]

Day 039: A Medical Student

Day 039:

"Yan ang marka ng isang medical student. Kahit saan, kahit paano, kaya nilang matulog." [That is the mark of a medical student. Anywhere they find themselves, in any way they need to, they can sleep.]

My mother, an established and successful physician, told my siblings these things, as they watched me fall asleep in my chair, as we waited for our food in a restaurant somewhere along Bonifacio High Street. She has thus established empirically, what the essence of a medical student is.

By essence, I of course refer to the "philosophical" essence of an object. What makes something, something. If we strip the stereotype of a medical student of his or her studiousness, is the person still a medical student? Of course, yes. There are just as many grade-conscious, obsessive, studious students, as there are ones who devote their lives to video games and DOTA. We can do the same to many other characteristics attributed to being a medical student.

But if I may, among the many characteristics of people, I believe all medical students are sleep deprived. *bow* thus the essence of medical studenthood.


Thus, without further ado, I present to you, an image of the essence of the medical student. ZZZZ...

Day 038: Stress

Day 038:

I initially would be against any form of self-portrait. But given the growing, competing, tumbling and turning conditions of my academic, extracurricular, and personal life... I feel that a once-in-a-while post would be appropriate enough a reason to post a picture of one's self.

I have Juhani to thank for taking my picture without him knowing. Using his 500d, and Picoy's 50mm, he was able to capture how I was feeling then (this was around thursday or friday evening), how I've been feeling recently, and how I feel now. Stressed.

Look at my eyes! It's horrible!

But there is a good kind of stress, they say... one that pushes you and forces you to become better. I hope this is that kind of stress.

Day 037: The Fountain of Youth

Day 037:

Being the eldest of 7, with our youngest being 2 years old, I have a firm belief that children are the secret to long life. The notion of traveling off to distant shores to look for the fabled fountain of youth is absurd, not because the fountain may not exist (thus making the trip a complete waste of resources), but because a potent alternative right at home. Of course, I don't refer to eating them, or drinking their blood as an elixir. But, spend an afternoon with children in uninhibited imaginative play... and you'll see.

As you release yourself from the difficult confines of adult expectations, you'll see why children find everything so wonderful. Even repetition is a novel experience for them. (That's why jokes work best on children.. they're not afraid to laugh.) A toy car is a car. But it can also be a police car. It can also be a superhero transforming car! It can also be the last family racing away from a zombie attack! A bed is a comfortable place to sleep in. It's also a warzone, with pillows being sandbags! It's also an abundant landscape where ponies and horses roam free. It's also the skies where the back of an adult can be transformed into an airplane soaring high! Nothing is impossible for children.

I feel... and firmly believe... that if adults learned more from children, rather than forcing the opposite... then our world would be less stressed, less oppressive, and much more fun to live in.

Day 036: In the Future...

Day 036:

No, I did not visit some posh hotel today. This is a photo from our previous 2010 Vienna trip.

But, just a random thought popped up and seized my mind for a while today. In the future... after I get through the several tedious years of medical school, the more taxing years of residency, and fellowship (in whatever subspecialization I will pursue), after the years of "lost" I would still very much like to travel the Philippines... travel the world... dive amazing reefs... take good photographs... and I would like a jacuzzi in my home.

Random thought indeed.

Day 035: Damn Proud

Day 035:


Today, we went to a certain barangay in San Juan to give an first-time, experimental, interactive, Public Health Lecture (PHL). The response, both by our partners and our participants were overwhelming.

The organizers thought we did this on a regular basis, and the "show" we put on was something we’ve perfected over many tries. They thought we were veterans! The participants all went home with lessons learned, smiling faces, a few bars of soap, and new skills that could save their lives.

Preparing the modules, practicing the routines, getting the materials were all toxic (especially with everything else we had on our plate). But I am damn proud to have been a part of that activity.

There are just things that we do… that makes us so proud to be a part of… that we could no longer imagine ourselves doing otherwise.

Day 034: It looks like...

Day 034:

For better or for worse. Sometimes things don't turn out the way you expect.

A low angle, with the ambient fluorescent light and the N97mini's built in crappy flash make the escalator some sort of light-tunnel to heaven.

Day 033: Promises

Day 033:

Today, we were asked (as a class) to write our own Vision-Mission for ourselves, our promise regarding what kind of doctor we will be.

"Nangangako ako, [pangalan], bilang isang Pilipinong mangagamot, sa harap ng Poong Maykapal at ng bayan na:

Paglilingkod sa bayan at sa mga mamamayan nito ang hangad ko; sa pamamagitan ng kamalayan at pakikibahagi sa lipunan, magbabahagi ako ng kaalaman, gamot at serbisyong pangkalusugan nang walang diskriminasyon sa abot ng aking makakaya, lalo na sa mga kapuspalad at higit na nangangailangan, tungo hindi lamang sa kawalan ng sakit kundi pati sa kabutihan ng kalusugan ng mga Pilipino at sa lahat ng larangan ng kanyang buhay..."

[I, state your name, promise that as a Filipino doctor, in front of God and nation, promise:

That my main goal is service to my country and its constituents; through social awareness and involvement, I shall share knowledge, medical drugs, and interventions without discrimination to the best of my abilities especially to the less fortunate and to the underserved, towards not only the loss of disease but towards the betterment of the Filipino people in all aspects of their lives...]

And it goes on to discuss our relating to patients, our professionalism and other aspects of our being a doctor...

As an afterthought... Given the circumstances... that this was a school-given project, it was not written out of volition and volunteerism, that it was done after several lectures of introducing the school's advocacy... would the activity really help us? 

I only hope that it did... somehow... maybe... making that promise, before we actually tried the itty gritty of the hospital and the difficulty of health care, before identifying the field of specialization we want... before knowing what we were talking about... maybe that premature promise, "as doctors" despite not being ones... would help us become better people in the end.

Day 032: The Space Between

Day 032:


Today, the post-modern compression of space and time is not embodied by the technology of warp-speed, teleportation, or translocation, but by the mobile phone.

Through the mobile phone, we, several million individuals, find ourselves connected to each other at the gut and core of our person. Our thoughts, no matter how trivial are transmitted instantaneously, across large distances. Our person is liberated from its corporal confines into a simulacrum of representations in the “cyberspace” where we may become whoever we want to become to whomever we want to reveal ourselves to. Although there are nights we might be alone, we are never alone. At the tips of our fingers, we talk, chat and enjoy ourselves with countless people everywhere.

The difficulty between geographic distance (also indirectly temporal limitations) is eliminated by technology. Relationships are instantaneous, consistent, and effortless. But why is loneliness still painfully apparent in our society?

Hello.